You Will Come to Understand the Beauty That is Special Needs

You Will Come to Understand the Beauty That is Special Needs

To Me, 2001:

Copyright: 1971yes / 123RF

Right about now you’re making plans. A “milestone” birthday is coming your way, and for your memories, you’re feeling like you want to live your life with an exclamation. You’ve decided that it’s time to soar through the sky with all the adrenaline your body can muster, to plummet to the earth with enough fear to cloud your sight for the magnificence that surrounds you…for seeing our earth in a way you might not ever again, only to find regret creeping in as a brightly colored canopy carries you softly to the ground, leaving you to realize you just missed an undiscovered beauty.

Don’t fret. It won’t happen.

You see, you two will find each other, this man that is to have and to hold, and you’ll be romanticized by the lazy spring days only lovers can live. You’ll forget the worries of “life by exclamation” in the dreams for the future you two will share…worldly travels, purchases in partnership, and eventually, a family.

Don’t fret. It won’t happen.

In truth, nothing will happen the way you believe it will; nothing, personal or professional, will resemble anything that you dream today.

One day in 2003, you’ll be blessed with the embodiment of Living Love…flesh and blood. Your heart will burst with the indestructible pull of a mother to a son. He will teach you, love you, test you, count on you, strengthen, challenge and panic you. There will be times where you feel you can’t breathe for all the worry for this Living Love that all but consumes you. For this child, your child, will hold challenges of his own.

 

The body he borrows will betray him; his mind will convulse. The mysteries his physical form holds will perplex the most learned. There will be times that these complexities will frustrate you, and they will frustrate him as they will force him to hit, kick, bite and head-butt you.

There will be times where you’ll throw your hands and head up to the air and scream, hoping that if you want it hard enough, just hard enough, he will get better. You will want for that one morning’s dawn that reveals the challenges that inflict their doing upon his body and mind have gone. You will seethe with guilt that your body did this to him; a devastating guilt that will one day turn to reason, but never truly disappear. So many days and nights will be filled with tears, cries of anguish. I promise the enormity of the quality of life struggle you face with him will overwhelm you, driving you to your knees to weep.

Then one day, you’ll crumble, believing this life…this damned life will never get better and you and he, this Living Love, will continue your lives in the darkness of despair.

Don’t fret. It won’t happen.

While these things do occur, while you’ll have this cycle every day for years, you will come through. You will see the light that shines through him, because of him, that it is his soul that luminesces. On that day, a clearance will allow you a glimpse at the strength, compassion, perseverance and knowledge your son holds. He, this child who teaches all who surround him, will enlighten you. After this day, you will never be the same.

His soul will be unblemished by the hardships held by his frame, and you will come to understand the beauty that is Special Needs…the realization that Special Happens…and you are fortunate to be his chosen student.

With love and strength,

Me, 2012

This is written as part of the “Letters” Series 2012. Have a Letter you’d like to write, find more info here.

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About the Author:

Gina St. Aubin
Gina St. Aubin is a former Victim’s Advocate who now advocates for those with intellectual and physical challenges. Her eldest son is diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Electrical Status Epilepticus during Sleep / Landau-Kleffner Syndrome (a rare epileptic disorder causing verbal aphasia) and Developmental Delays. In June, 2012, her son also underwent a successful hemispherectomy. Gina is the editor, author and owner of Special Happens, serves as a member of the Board of Directors for the SPD Foundation, and resides in Colorado where she is a mother of 3, wife, blogger, writer and special needs advocate.

3 Comments

  1. jenny - Sugar Loco March 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm - Reply

    so amazing Gina. You have been blessed with an amazing gift of sharing your feelings and emotions. You’re turning something that could feel very dark into such a great light, and that’s an inspiration.

  2. Daria @ Mom in Management March 14, 2012 at 4:31 pm - Reply

    Beautiful.

  3. Kia March 14, 2012 at 6:22 pm - Reply

    This is a beautiful, raw letter Gina. Thank you for sharing.

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