This post is generously submitted for the 2011 All About Autism Series ~ by Meredeth Myers:
It’s a surreal moment, the one in which you decide to face this fact: my child has Autism.
Not devastating as some would put it, but more surreal. Surreal like the moment when you’re on a rollercoaster and you’ve reached the apex of the giant drop and you creep over the edge and you realize there is no turning back now so you raise your arms and surrender…The rollercoaster ride of your life really, that phrase truly is quite the appropriate one when referring to my life at this moment. The craziest, scariest, most awesome ride…ever.
I can say that now on the other end of a major 2 ½ year research fest of, well, research. As soon as reality truly set in I was one of those parents that dove in head first, deep into all things therapy, causes, vaccines, you name it. I read and read and read, only to find at the end: confusion.
So I sit, analyzing my child, for what she isn’t doing, for the milestones she’s not reaching, forgetting about her as a person. Funny how truly crazy one can drive oneself with knowledge, expectations, guilt, only to come back around to this: no one REALLY knows. Let’s face it, they don’t, no one does, 100% for sure, KNOWS, anything for that matter.
The two things I do know for sure? I LOVE my child, for everything she is, exactly the way she is and I love God with all my heart and am forever humble in his presence for this gift of life and that’s really all I have concrete. So why don’t I focus on the things that she DOES DO and the amazing gifts she does have and pray to God for the patience and love to appreciate and nurture her completely! It’s time to truly celebrate HER for the sweetness, kindness, sensitivity, beauty, and amazing intelligence that she IS and leave the rest to tomorrow.
Once I made this ultimate decision of SURRENDER to the unknown which lies at the other side of that apex and let go of the fear that drives me to making decisions I truly don’t want to make, I am given the tools by God to handle this journey and the amazing progress my child has made because of it.
~ Blessings to all of you on this amazing journey, know that you are blessed ones to be at direct witness of these beautiful beings of light.
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