I am standing in the check out line in Kroger, I can’t help but hear the conversation taking place in front of me…
“Is this your grand baby, you must be baby sitting all weekend, all the baby stuff you are buying how sweet.” The friendly cashier said to the lady she was assisting.
“My great grand son, and I guess you could say I am baby sitting, I just got legal responsibility of him.”
The lady let out a long sigh as she touched her great grandson’s head, the little baby smiled and I saw a tear run down the cheek of the older lady.
“My granddaughter can’t care for him, there was nobody else, I am 76, I am way to old for this, but here I am an old widow lady raising a baby, this is not how life is supposed to be.”
“I know, I feel for ya’ I really do, I had to go back to work last year when my husband lost his job and all our benefits, we thought we were set, I am a retired teacher and he was going to just work until he could draw retirement, but now…..” The cashier’s voice trailed off as she shrugged her shoulders, “I agree with you honey, this is not how life is suppose to be.”
I shifted weight from one foot to the other and tried to look like I had not heard them. Lately it seems all I hear is how life is not suppose to be. A dear friend of mine just lost her home after failing to sell it after she and her husband lost their jobs, a home they planned to live in for life, gone. Another couple who had a solid gold marriage is divorcing, middle age madness I guess, sure not how any of us thought their life would go. Happy couples do no divorce, it’s just not how life is suppose to be.
Last night I relished with joy lying in bed beside my 21 year old son and reading preschool books. Where the wild Things Are, books about Spot the dog, and one about a blue truck. This is not how life is supposed to be, unless you have waited a life time for this event. I have. We lost John at the point of him bringing us books and asking us to read them over and over again. One of my last memories of John before the life change is how he loved the book Dragon in a Wagon and how we had to read it over and over again at night, at bed time no matter what other books were read, this was a must. John would smile and quote the book before I could turn the pages. Normal, typical what life with a toddler is suppose to be. Then, it was gone. All gone, no reading, voices made John scream. No books, he shredded them. That, that was not how life was suppose to be.
I will snuggle in bed beside John again tonight and read toddler books until my voice hurts and my arms feel like jello from holding books over our faces as I read. I’ll smile as I turn off the lights and call out a final good night I love you son. I’ll smile because this is not how life is suppose to be with a 21 year old, but you know what it is, and it is perfect, it is exactly as it is suppose to be.