by Gina St. Aubin
When I took J to school, I told Ms. L about the little white car. I said, “It hasn’t left his hands…he took it to the dinner table, to bed, to breakfast…just so you know…”
“That’s fine,” she said. “You know my single goal for J…all I want to do is to help hold him together. I just want him to get through this.”
“I know,” C says in response.
Ms. L continues, “I can see he’s just tired. In his eyes. I can see he’s tired not just of being tired – of not sleeping – but tired of not feeling right.”
…and while he relays this to me, my mind struggles with being ‘available’ to hear this conversation. Everything within me screams not to listen, not to partake in this conversation for this just is not something I can hear. I can’t protect myself while I hear it. Yet, all I can think is that she’s right. Ms. L is keenly observant. J’s tired.
…and with this report from C, my wall cracks just a little more. My voice quivers, and all I can muster is, “I know. I know. But I hope he’s not too tired. I hope he doesn’t give up.”
…and I wonder, is that too much to ask of a 9 year old boy whose entire life has been a fight? Every moment, of every day…even during laughter…is it too much to ask?
Or can the love in our souls continue to give him strength?
Gina is the owner / editor, and lead author of Special Happens. She resides in Colorado where she is a wife and mother of 3, and is a member of the Board of Directors for the SPD Foundation. You can read more about her here.